Thoughts From The Hot Tub

Holding It Together

Life has continued to be crazy the last week – the TCKLBUG (my little VW beetle) is still in the car hospital, not due to be completed until some time next week. I’m still driving the Nissan SUV whatever it its.  I know it’s too big for me – it’s taller than me – I want my Beetle back!  This transition period remains unsettling – and adds to the (I’m sure normal) post accident driving anxiety.

Son is actively job hunting but has no income at the moment and is trying to get back on MediCal so he can get psyc services and meds for his bi-polar disorder.  One would think it wasn’t a problem, but he’s still dealing wtih earning just a little too much this year to qualify.  Unfortunately, Obamacare or not, though he no longer qualified for MediCal, he wasn’t earning enough to afford a Covered Caifornia policy with mental health benefits (which most of them don’t offer – it’s excluded).  The upside is that he is actively and diligently looking for work in his accounting field – ideally fund management, or as close to that as he can get in California.

Daughter is still struggling on State Disability – and someone arbitrarily deciding that she had an increase of income (though nothing changed) and cut her SNAP (food assistance) reduced by $115 a month.  Her disability barely covers her share of the rent, car insurance, insurance, and gas, not leaving enough for food for three people, so having her food benefit slashed to $115 for no reason has been a big financial hit. Thank goodnes she’s in a relationship where, while it stretches the budget, I don’t need to help her to avoid her being homeless.  Her disability is hopefully ending soon so that she can get back to work and is looking for an aid position in a nearby elementary school, getting her back in the classroom in some capacity.  Her soon-t0-be stepdaughter’s teacher from last year is sincerely hoping to get my daughter on at the school as a resource for teachers either as an aide or possibly more.  She would love that as it would leave her off during school breaks and summer vacations.

With the divorce and expenses I’ve had to pick up (not complaining, it just is what it is) and not having any subsidy from my son, my finances have continued to be out of whack.  I’m hoping after this month finances will level off to an in-control issue.  It’s hard, though, when all but $120 of one check out of 2 goes to pay rent.

Not whining, just a bit overwhelmed.  It’s the empath in me – absorbing the stresses of those I love and are around me.

As much as I know why I am single right now and am conent to be so, it’s one of those time periods when I would love to crawl into someone’s safe arms. Tonight I miss that.  Tonight I could really use that someone to just hold me and tell me everything is ok.


And pay day is Thursday and we’ll make it till then.  Life is not always fun living on the edge – pay day to pay day, but it’s always an adventure and a challenge.

I will win!